i’m focusing so hard on just finishing with highschool so i can get on with my ‘real life’ in which i’ll have tons of new experiences and make tons of new friends and have new feelings and a new outlook on life and a new way of being regarded and a new sort of independence, and live the life that the people in my blog are living, on hot beaches with beautiful people and rockin music and the bright sunshine and no family around. the thought of all this is slowly pushing me through the horrible hell of highschool.
without such a strong will to see what the future will hold i’m sure my days would be much, much more upsetting and unbearable.. as it is, the thought of next year and moving on with life is clouding the reality of what’s happening now,
and, although i really try and live ‘moment by moment’, all i can think about is the future.
when the lingering moments of unease (such as this moment) come around, when i dwell for too long on what’s happening now, i become so unsure of myself/my plans/ my dreams. so for now i need to stay focused on the future.